i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
