He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
