you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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