You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
