2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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