based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we made out on top of his cat.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
