Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
