He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
