I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize