He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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