i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
