onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
