I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
