'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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