She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My breasts were aching with rage.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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