he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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