JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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