Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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