hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
