So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
