Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
