So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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