I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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