It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
