you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
