I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
