When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
