where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
