Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
