OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
