You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
how does that bad decision feel?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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