It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
don't judge my taste in strippers
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
