Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
