my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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