Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ladies don't puke and tell
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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