Yo dont text me then not text me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
