I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
