It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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