can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
