plz talk dirty to me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
