if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
