i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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