so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
