Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
