you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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