so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
