I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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