I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize