my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
