i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am one with the molecules
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
