if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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