i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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