Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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