I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
