tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
