Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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