Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize