so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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