plz talk dirty to me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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