I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think your dad took our porno
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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