Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
