i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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