I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
