I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
