i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
