She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
