I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
