we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
