I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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