just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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