i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
