My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His hands were made for my vagina.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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