2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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