no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
