if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
