After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
