His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
