well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
