the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
