Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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